Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Are Ya'll Even Still Speaking to Me?



I wouldn't be surprised if all of you just went pffft... the heck with her... she's never around when you need her!

I know i've been so absent.  

Honestly, I think i've just been shut down...  Do you ever get like that where everything you do just seems overwhelming, or pointless, or you feel like everything in your life is just stupid?

Well, i sure do.
I worry about my kids, money, the future, storms, asteroids hitting the earth
pretty much anything you can think of
and sometimes all of it just saps the life force right out of me


I haven't even really been able to paint in like 2 months!  Just couldn't do it... well except for one painting that i worked on intermittantly. Just today, for the first time in 2 months i felt like i could pick up the paint brush, and get it close to finished

Marian, "Miss Mustard Seed" might want it if she has a place for it, if not it will be for sale...

I'm really lucky that she likes my paintings, because people notice everything she does, and lots of people have bought my prints   because of her!  Especially "Eulalie"

Thank you Marian for making my paintings look so good with all your beautiful things !



anyway, here it is...
I don't have a name yet
but dosen't it seem like two old friends have a peaceful graze together




I had 10 days off of work, and had a list 80 miles long of all this stuff i was going to get done, and mostly i just started too many projects and made big chaotic messes everywhere, let the dogs in and out of the house 90 thousand times a day and wore myself out. 

So the dogs..............  
First one of the dogs wants out, so after a minute the other dog realizes that the first one is out, and decides she wants to go out too, but when i let her out the first dog decides to come in while the door is open -  so when i let her back in, the other one messes around in the yard a few minutes and is like crap, now i want back in too... and so it goes 90 thousand times a day...

Anyway, it is very very clear to me that  I need structure, or I will stay up until 2:00 in the morning drinking vodka and watching movies like Armageddon two nights in a row... seriously , i did that... 
Honestly, the way i talk about drinking vodka, i guess ya'll think i'm a terrible alcoholic
but i'm not a terrible alcoholic,
i'm a  perfectly good, very controlled, measured, and systematic alcoholic
i never drink before 8:00 pm
and i never get actually too very drunk... 
just perfectly buzzed
 i don't drink at parties because it makes me feel flushed and weird and stupid
In fact, i don't feel bad about drinking at all
I don't know how in the world anyone goes through life without drinking
That's insane


Ok... to change the subject to something that makes me appear more normal... and less of a substance abuser 

 the garden has been unbelievable this year. 

The snowball bush was humongous and slam full of big fluffy white balls, and roses are tumbling around the yard everywhere!  







dusk in the front yard





Rosebud cottage in the morning, a quick photo right before I leave for work...



Found a darlin little birds nest tucked into the branches of an Eden rose next to the house
see it in there?





and i finally got the window boxes planted.  It is always so fun to see them  full of pink geraniums




And i discovered an Iris i just LOVE 
It's called Champagne Elegance

Get one, you will adore it

the soft yellow and creamy white are so pretty with everything else in the garden

It's my new favorite thing....


and just look at this precious pink impatients




This little vintage cherub sits in the back yard in an old birdbath top



I hung a chandy from a tree in the front yard
it was a bargain chandy,
but it's still cute, and  i love to plug it in at night and sit outside under the tree, and have a nice little drink, watch the lightening bugs, and smell the honeysuckle
come on... what could be better than that




...and the rose i showed in the very first photo

here it is again...

it is wonderful! 
 I think it is called Peach Drift 
It has a smallish bloom and the colors are divine
all those colors are on two little rose clusters!



I did find this little desk at the thrift shop and painted it grayish with a mix of Annie Sloan paint colors, and then painted the inside pink

i love the shabby old mirror on top

I want to use it for my computer so it isn't sitting on the kitchen counter... but i need my friend Missy from "My Cottage Charm" to come over with her tools and help drill some holes in the back for computer cords!




My Friend  Karan of "Fetch Antiques" found me a an old chippy frame and it fit my print of "Good Morning Miss Daisy" perfectly!

She is 24 x 36 which is a standard size so it is not too hard to find old frames in that size at thrift shops and flea markets

I saw this print hanging  on a pink wall once at another friends shop -  Uniquitiques  - she purchased the print for herself and we tacked it up in her shop on the pink walls just to take a look at her 
she looked so damn pretty on those pink walls
that i decided to paint the inside of the frame pink

If you have a pink wall and you love shabby, cottagy stuff, and well, cows...
you should buy her -  and i'm not just saying that to make a sale
not even remotely 
she just looks so stunning on soft pink walls
in fact, if you want her, and you let me know you read about her in this blog post, i'll give you 20% off the price
cindyaustinpaintings.com

I was really tickled that she tucked right in the frame
 i secured her in there with a little duct tape since i didn't have the right canvas securing equipment thingys

Mr. Fractured would be proud, he uses duct tape for everything
but i bet his duct tape isn't pink with white polka dots like mine is


So anyway... just want to say thanks to all of you for being there, i'm not kidding... even when i miss your posts, things happen to me all the time that make me think of each and every one of you -  and i plan to spend the next week catching up on you guys...
I feel like you are not only my friends, but my social life, my support group, the people who make me laugh, and touch my heart... and let me share myself even in all my ADHD, vodka drinking, anxiety attack weirdo dysfunction
you're still there 
I tell you guys stuff that alot of people around me every day don't even know

how crazy is that

big hugs

... the end ...





38 comments:

  1. Ahhh Cindy I am still here but like you need a bit of a break. I am still posting but I turned my comments off. I am taking a Summer Holiday. Sometimes I just get tired of blogging. I need to be outdoors! Your gardens are gorgeous!!!! We are in a drought so not much is blooming. The veggies are growing and redwoods are green but everything else seems dry. I LOVE the softness of your new painting. Everything is so pretty at your Rose Cottage. Try not too worry, everything will be okay. Have a happy summer. Xxo Kerrie

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  2. Awe, I am so glad you're back. I totally understand about feeling overwhelmed and just hiding in plain sight....do it now & again myself.
    I have to comment on what you said about MMS making your paintings look good...honey, your paintings are fabulous all on their own sitting outside an outhouse! They are stunning and you are so talented.
    Welcome back! We missed you.

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    1. Awwwww... thank you so much for your sweet words...

      xoxs
      Cindy

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  3. Hey, CIndy!
    I'm glad you're back. I really enjoyed this fun post.
    Your artwork never ceases to amaze me. That is one gorgeous painting - "Old Friends"...
    Hugs,
    Linda

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  4. I would almost swear you and I were twins separated at birth.....I totally get where you're coming from and where you're going.....and don't get me started on having a little vodka tonic in the late afternoon. Hope things will be better for you soon...

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  5. Welcome back. You and your paintings are great - you deserve to do really well with them. The garden is looking amazing - especially those wonderful roses! Just enjoy each day as it comes, and be kind to yourself. Hugs xx

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  6. You are so delightful!!! I love your sense of humor!
    I have a teenage daughter, so vodka is my friend too!
    Love you!!!

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  7. This is my first visit.It was very uplifting and inspiring for me to read that you are reconnected and painting again.Your latest is so subtle and soothing, just beautiful in the play of light and mist.(my interpretation)It brings back to me our old farm and bittersweet reminisces.Being an avid gardener myself the images of your home and garden are like a tonic to me.Looking inward,acknowledging life's dark side and spending self time can lead to new growth and strength and an appreciation of life's sweetness and beauty,I find.Thankyou for sharing,from Southern Ontario, Canada

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  8. Hi Cindy,
    I'll take you anyway I can get you! I love it when you "spill it" girl. Makes me feel perfectly normal. Oh how I love your paintings and your garden. I'm so jealous of that snowball tree. I tried to grow one once and it wouldn't bloom...ugh.
    Love that little desk too and yes the pink inside the frame definitely makes her stand out. Love it!
    I have been missing some myself in the world of blogging, but like you I think of everyone all the time and often feel guilty when I'm not blogging.
    Oh well, it just kinda goes with us creative personality types. Vodka is nice too. Preferrably, Absolute.

    Keep making us laugh and showing us all the beauty that surrounds you.

    hugs
    Sissie

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  9. Cindy, I was wondering where you got off to! So nice to 'hear' your voice again in a computer sort of way. I totally understand needing to be off the grid for a while, we all need to hide under the covers sometimes to regain balance and our sanity! This world is rather crazy and it drains the best of us. If a little vodka helps I say bottoms up! Your new cow painting it so dreamy looking, I love it! Your garden is gorgeous and looks so romantic with all those beautiful flowers. Glad you're back girl!!!

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  10. Good to see you back! You always make me laugh! Kathy

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  11. I could never forget about you. You are unforgettable. Your new painting is wonderful, soft, and dreamy. And you are right about the pink in the frame for the other one. Just beautiful. Your roses are wonderful. I especially like that last garden shot. Glad you are feeling up to chatting again! Always a treat.

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  12. Oh yes! And that little nest in the roses just made my day!

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  13. So happy to see that you are back. Love your posts. Wish I could sit and have a toddy (my choice would be gin and tonic, or Ice cold beer) with you, and enjoy your beautiful yard and flowers. Everything is so Charming!!!!!

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  14. Your transparency and humor is exactly why we come, in droves, to spend time with you here in the land of Blog. It makes me want to take up drinking and just hang out with you in the Garden under the Chandie with a big glass of Vodka... even tho' I'm not sure I would ever even like Vodka... okay, I don't, so make mine a Coronita. Just because with my Native American Ancestry I would be one of those raging terrible alcoholics... because I could never be a perfectly good, very controlled, measured, and systematic alcoholic like you, I'm way too excessive in everything I do! {Tho' that description almost made me spill my non-alcoholic beverage all over the keyboard laughing my ass off!}. You made me Smile today, and that's always a Gift... 'cause I've been having some of those not so lovely days lately myself. Hang in there... we Luvs Ya GF! Blessings and Positive Energies from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  15. Your paintings and your flowers are just gorgeous. I love the crazy lush snowball bush- I want one! :)

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  16. Just gorgeous, your entire house, your paintings, your furniture...wow....love it all. You are hilarious, but you really need a dog door:) let them let themselves in and out;)lol...
    I LOVE your paintings, you are so talented. You make me think of me so much (as far as the ADHD and concentration issues goes:) I think I will do so much and can't get started because there are SO many steps to what I want to do I can't get through it. I have to attack it single mindedly to complete something..hugs, Sally

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  17. I'll raise my vodka glass to this gorgeous post!

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  18. Do you know how much I adore you???? Reading your posts just makes my whole day. I love how genuine and darling you are. I could go on and on but then I wouldn't have time to tell you HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR GARDENS before I go to bed!!! Everything is so lush a gorgeous!
    sending big hugs...

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  19. You'll never know how much your post helped me today. I haven't been able to paint in over 2 months, except for that one painting that's been on the easel that i keep trying to finish and dredge up the desire and yearning that seems to have vanished into thin air. And, unfortunately, I don't wait till 8! I'm in my wine by 4 most days. and I stay up watching movies till 2, sometimes 4! however i don't watch anything that's negative. try comedies! and i have two pugs who do the "i wanna go out, i wanna come in" dance all day long and most especially whenever i sit down to work!!!

    thank you thank you thank you. it's just life i guess. an intermission. i love your work, your posts and your gorgeous home, garden and collections. thank you so much for your candor and honesty. oops, one of them wants to go out....

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  20. yes yes yes. i can't believe i blogged this morning before popping over here only to discover you covered champagne, drinking, oversharing, etc. parallel minds i guess. it's more than okay to step away from the blog and even the outside world for a break. i do this a lot to re-energize and collect. your life is definitely not stupid, cindy. it's honorable. you are blessed with the soul of an artist and there is a purpose for everything around you adding to your beautiful chaos. a work in progress, if you will. who needs a tired hastily rendered carny caricature when a thoughtfully stroked layered and meaningful masterpiece is underway? not me. i want the best. so just keep giving your best because it matters and it is changing the universe. and me. and them.

    michele

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  21. Sigh....................LOVE your photographs. Nice to have you back!

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  22. Hi Cindy, Okay .. we all have these "there's just no way to squeeze more juice out-a me" moments. Hang in there! Go back to the basics .. your paintings:) and this lovely garden of yours. Seattle is still a bit rainy and gloomy. It's a tough time of year because it seems like everyone else is enjoying summer. Anyway, you are never alone and blog-land will always lift your spirits. So funny about worrying .. I think many of us worry too much and will often create something to worry about if there is nothing legitimate to worry about!! ;) Keep calm and carry on girlie!

    xxL

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  23. I have to start with an ironic laugh. I had just typed up a lengthy comment and before I finished I hit some key and lost everything...ah, such is life lately! So, let me start over,

    Hello Cindy, We have never met and I've never sent you a comment before but I've been very aware of your talent for some time. Eulalie did play a key role in that. I have had the pleasure of meeting and seeing Marian several times. I've even seen Eulalie in person and she is even more beautiful than pictures can express!

    I read your blog today and felt so many connections I had to write to you. I have been in a fog for a few months from an event that I wasn't expecting and still have yet to fully digest. However it did give me the opportunity to decorate my bedroom for the first time in years and pale pink and white have been my focus. (Not sure how thrilled Hubby will be but he has been are real champ since my "unpleasant adventure".)

    Your Miss Daisy is gorgeous and is just the calm I want to add to my room. I'm hoping she is still available? I gather she is a print, not the original, but your framing makes her irresistible to me. (Not that there is anything wrong with prints but I grew up around painters and have primarily had original works around me...which I prefer.) Maybe one day I'll have the chance to also own one of your originals. I love all animals, sheep, bunnies, owls, cows/calves, deer/fawns, I could go on and on. :-) In the meantime I hope to hear I might be able to have Miss Daisy grace my walls.

    I have a bottle of Lemoncello cooling in my fridge. She is calling my name. I'm so lucky I don't drink a lot. I can't handle alcohol and if I have more than a couple of drinks I'll regret it for days. Oh well, food holds some magic too....unfortunately!

    I think I totally understand your malaise. I've walked that path myself over and over again. I'm learning more about some possible explanations but that's another blog, another day!

    I know you will move into your sunshine when you are ready. We will be cheering you on. In the meantime I look forward to hearing from you...and if you are ever in the area feel free to let me know. We used to be a B&B here and kept one suite available just for family and friends to visit comfortably! :-)

    Be well and paint on!
    Sharon

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  24. Oh, and by the way I do the "Let me in. Let me out. dance all day with my two dogs. I'm am also the "Princess of Poop" or "Duchess of Dukies", getting to clean up after them. :-) Then there are my two kitty babies....LOL!! They are all my delight as well as my dungeon!!

    -Sharon

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  25. Hi Cindy! It's so good to see you back posting! I think you and I are twins or something (except I don't have a house or a gorgeous gardens, can't paint to save my life, have cats instead of dogs, and I don't drink but am seriously thinking of taking it up)! You crack me up, you are so funny, and I love your honesty.

    Yes, I've often felt like you described, and I used to let it really get me down, but I'm *trying* to be more positive about things and just refuse to watch the news or read about things that horrify me or watch scary movies that keep me up at night worrying with anxiety. I'm trying to just do things I enjoy and keep it light and happy as much as possible. It's hard, because I do still worry about money and the future, and things do get me down from time to time, but I'm trying very hard to avoid ruminating about it because it's just energy expended on negativity that does no good; plus, I don't want that energy surrounding me or put out there in the universe.

    As for taking up alcohol, I do love a good vodka drink on occasion, but have found something called Niege Apple Ice Wine and have decided I could easily become an alcoholic on that stuff! It's so yummy! I bought a tiny sample bottle, the real sized bottles are like $35 so that's what will keep me from buying any of it. But seriously, if I could just hook up an IV and tap straight into my arm, or find another way to trade my blood out for that stuff, I'd do it! LOL!

    Take care!

    Kimberly

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  26. Hi Cindy! It's so good to see you back posting! I think you and I are twins or something (except I don't have a house or a gorgeous gardens, can't paint to save my life, have cats instead of dogs, and I don't drink but am seriously thinking of taking it up)! You crack me up, you are so funny, and I love your honesty.

    Yes, I've often felt like you described, and I used to let it really get me down, but I'm *trying* to be more positive about things and just refuse to watch the news or read about things that horrify me or watch scary movies that keep me up at night worrying with anxiety. I'm trying to just do things I enjoy and keep it light and happy as much as possible. It's hard, because I do still worry about money and the future, and things do get me down from time to time, but I'm trying very hard to avoid ruminating about it because it's just energy expended on negativity that does no good; plus, I don't want that energy surrounding me or put out there in the universe.

    As for taking up alcohol, I do love a good vodka drink on occasion, but have found something called Niege Apple Ice Wine and have decided I could easily become an alcoholic on that stuff! It's so yummy! I bought a tiny sample bottle, the real sized bottles are like $35 so that's what will keep me from buying any of it. But seriously, if I could just hook up an IV and tap straight into my arm, or find another way to trade my blood out for that stuff, I'd do it! LOL!

    Take care!

    Kimberly

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  27. Your posts are always so much fun :) I scrolled thru the pictures the first time and then decided I better go make myself an iced tea before I actually read it all. You make up for being away by having a long post :) After reading I felt like I should have had a vodka (lol) I love your new painting--and your garden chandelier is awesome! I stay at home with my kids and I an totally relate to letting the dogs out constantly! Sometimes I just lock the cats in the bedroom (because I don't let them go out) and just leave the back door open. I guess I need a doggie door--but the cats would go out it so I guess not. Anyway--I am a worry wart too and a couple years ago I decided it it isn't worth it. So now I try to stay positive. Everyone has their bad days though. If money grew on trees all would be good. Oh...that desk! I love it--have never seen a mirror on top like that. Love the colors you painted it. Good to see you post Cindy--take care!

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  28. Lol, lol, lol. Beauty, beauty, beauty!
    I am always in for a treat when I visit you, and you never let us down with your beautiful craziness!!
    As for the gardens they themselves feel like one of your paintings. The chandelier is a favorite I just love them hanging from tree breaches adding to the magic of even glow.
    Fire flys I adore them, you truly have so much life around you my sweet friend.

    Your paintings amaze me! It's you I want to paint like :)
    The painting with no name is sooo sweet, and it am sure it will sell faster then you come up with a name for it :)
    Thank you Cindy for taking the time out of your drinking to stumble over to my place, it joys my heart to visit with you in any shape or form :)
    Do you think next time you crack open another bottle of fun, you could invite me over ??

    Have a great inspiring June.
    Lots of love and calm on its way to you!
    Xx
    Dore

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  29. Oh honey...there are days that I watch the clock just to make sure it's noon before I poor that first glass of wine....and I don't consider myself an alcoholic...I just enjoy wine....early, all day.
    The dog thing, I get. We also have two dogs. A brother and sister duo...ugh.
    Your gardens are awesome! LOVE the idea of the chandy in the tree. If I lived close to you, I'd bring my wine, and sit with you under that tree to share stories in person...no more having to email them to each other!!
    You are such a talented artist, Cindy. Your recent painting is amazing!
    LOVE all of your roses! and the new Iris is simply gorgeous!
    I'm so glad you posted. I needed to start the day with a smile on my face.
    Smooches.
    Debbie
    xo

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  30. Sweet Cindy ~ your stories, your paintings, your pics of your beautiful gardens and sweet house were such a wonderful release for me tonight. I was needing something beautiful in my life right now, and your photos were like a balm. Thank you for that. Someday I still would love to have one of your paintings at Heaven's Walk.

    xoxo laurie

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  31. So when you think no one is caring anymore...read all these comments. You are the most refreshing and fun girl I know. Sharing is caring! And I love how you share the real parts of life. Brave and intrepid, you are. And hilarious and oh so talented with a paint brush. I love both of those paintings. They speak for themselves!! OH!! And I got my issue of Romantic Country and your Eulalie was the cover girl!! How about that? I instagrammed about you and your paintings..are you on IG? If you are, find me at amymaisondecor ok? It would be a great way for you to show all of your paintings, its such a visual medium and it reaches the vast corners of the world. I loved your garden tour, its a garden I would aspire to. Its like stepping back in time to a little old ladies garden, you know I mean that in the best of little old lady kind of way. The pretty garden furniture and the rambling roses that look so effortless. So keep on with the proper dispensation of vodka and intrusive thoughts, but know that you are loved in a big way from another little old lady in Boston.

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  32. I saw your sweet painting of Eulalie, on the cover of Romantic Country, in the dining room of The E of Home.
    I just want to say congratulations...IT is awesome, and I Love it so much. You are "GOOD"...Love your art work!!

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  33. yes I know, I already left a comment, but I had to tell you how much I love your profile picture, Miss Cutiepie!!!
    sending hugs...

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  34. Oh Cindy,
    I had to stop in on you to see what you have been up to these days?
    I have been painting away on furniture pieces and then taking a break to paint a couple of roses on wood then frame it in with some salvage scraps.
    I posted the paintings getting ready to do a new post on my latest cabinet that I up styled and painted it so my office home space had a bit more storage for small pieces I create to then list.
    I like displaying the art in cabinets safe and out of dust reach while they are listed and getting ready to land in someone else's hands.
    I kind of end up making my small home office space feel and look like a retail shop with pieces here and there stored away.

    Hurry up girl! Post something so we can share in all you inspire us with. Plus not to mention having a laugh or two while reading you ever so creative post.

    See you soon my friend.

    Xx
    Dore

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  35. After all of that rambling I think I love you...or we are cut from the same cloth...or some crazy shit like that. Like to drink...can't get shit done...will procrastinate like I'm getting paid for it.....Happy 4th:)

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  36. Oh Dear,
    I was dreaming of your garden, when my mother told me some old fairy tales! It's like in a wonderland coming out right of one of my childhood's books! Fantastic and amazing! Thank you for this memorie's walk!
    All my best from Austria
    Elisabeth

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  37. Haven't seen a Post in a while so Hope all is Well in Fractured Fairy Tale Land? Hope you had a Happy 4th of July. We're back to Abnormal around here now that the Holiday has passed...

    Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

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